In Filipino culture, it’s common to hear questions like “Kailan ka mag-aasawa?” or “Bakit single ka pa?” As if being single is something that needs fixing. The pressure is real, especially in family gatherings where marriage and relationships are seen as markers of success.
But here’s the truth: being single is not a weakness or a waiting room. It’s a season of strength and preparation.
🌱 What Research Says About Being Single
Studies both here and abroad show that singleness can be empowering:
- A Social Weather Stations (2019) survey revealed that many young Filipinos (18–35) prioritize career and education first before marriage. Fulfillment is no longer defined only by relationships.
- The Philippine Statistics Authority (2020) found that the median age of first marriage has increased, meaning more Filipinos are choosing to stay single longer to focus on themselves.
- Globally, psychologist Bella DePaulo discovered that single people often have stronger community ties, deeper friendships, and higher personal growth compared to those in poor-quality relationships.
In short: being single doesn’t mean being behind—it means having more time and freedom to grow.
💭 The CBT Perspective
As a mental health professional and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) practitioner, I often see singles stuck in unhelpful thoughts like:
- “Wala akong halaga kung walang nagko-commit sa akin.”
- “Pag wala akong jowa, parang failure ako.”
These are cognitive distortions—patterns of thinking that aren’t based on facts. Let’s reframe them:
- “My worth is not dependent on someone’s choice.”
- “Being single is not waiting—it’s preparing.”
- “The right person won’t keep me hanging.”
CBT reminds us: we can’t control if someone commits to us, but we can control our mindset and actions.
🌟 Practical Steps for Singles
- Invest in yourself. Research shows single people often exercise more, sleep better, and pursue passions more freely. This is your chance to focus on health, skills, and career.
- Strengthen your relationships. Sa ating kultura, pamilya and barkada are strong sources of support. Build on those bonds. Happiness doesn’t only come from romance.
- Pursue your dreams. Many Filipinos are choosing to build careers, businesses, or serve communities before settling down. That’s not selfish—it’s wise.
- Set healthy boundaries. Kung ayaw mag-commit ng isang tao, don’t waste your time hoping they’ll change. Boundaries are self-respect in action.
❤️ Filipino Reflection
There’s a Filipino proverb that says: “Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sarili, hindi marunong magmahal ng iba.” When you learn to value and love yourself first, you become more ready to love others in a healthy way.
And from Scripture, we’re reminded: “May panahon ang lahat ng bagay” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). This season of singleness has purpose. It’s not wasted time—it’s a time for growth, healing, and preparation for what’s ahead.
✨ Final Word
So if you’re single today, don’t see it as a setback. See it as preparation. Build your dreams, nurture your well-being, and trust the process.
Because when the right person comes, they won’t leave you in confusion—they will meet you with clarity, love, and commitment. And by then, you’ll be ready: whole, confident, and complete in yourself.